Leaving The Gateways To Fantasy

     I would like to start of this blog entry with a simple and plainly true statement: I love my friends. Every once and a while, I'll be the characteristic teenager; feeling like I'm alone, that no one understands, the basic angst. However, I am always - almost immediately - reminded that I am the opposite of alone. I have incredible friends that will understand no matter what. And even if they don't understand, they'll sit by my side, hold my hand, and tell me everything will be alright. Last weekend, I departed for Disney World with my school's marching band, a trip of a lifetime. When eighty high school band members are thrown together for almost every hour of every day for nearly a week, problems are bound to arise. Blossoming relationships, ending relationships; new friendships, and bickering between circles of old friends. I was scheduled to share a hotel room with three of my closest friends, and I love them each dearly. Honestly, I was expecting to be slightly annoyed with each of them at least a little bit by the end of the trip. It's natural when four girls share a room for several nights that eventually, they'll get a little sick of each other. I couldn't have been more wrong.
     After this trip, I love each of my roommates just as much, if not much more than I did coming into the experience. This vacation also brought me closer to a few new friends. I don't know if it was the bond of marching band, the sense of community after a twenty two hour bus ride, or maybe a little Disney magic, but I feel like we all came out of this trip better people than we were coming into it. It feels like we were all bonded together a bit more through being away from our families at the holiday, sharing the good times and the not so good, seeing each other at our best and our worst. Now that the "trip of our lives" is over, any time anything Disney-related is mentioned in our presence, my friends and I all feel a pang of "it's over" syndrome in the pit of our stomachs. However, I feel like I can come away from this trip with some amazing memories, great friendships, and no regrets.
     I don't want to feel sad that this trip is over anymore. Instead, I've decided to look towards the future. Instead of reminiscing how much we wish we could go back and do last week all over again, maybe we should plan a fantasy senior trip back to Disney World, even if we only ever just talk about it. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. And with the help of some Disney magic, anything is possible. I have dozens of examples of how my friends helped me, surprised me, made me smile, made me laugh, encouraged me, humored me, etc. But all I have to say is that - while it's extremely cliche - I can honestly say that on Thanksgiving, I was never more thankful to have such amazing friends.

P.S. To my wonderful roommates: Turkey Spooning and Everest Helen-Kellering For Life

187 Days Has Turned To 1

       The countdown started not 187 days ago. No, the countdown to this event began when I signed up for band as a mere 8th grader. I was all planned on quitting, I didn't want to have to do marching band. The silly hats, the extra practices, it just didn't seem like something for me. But then, my best friend and I heard something that changed both of our minds. Every four years, our high school's band makes a trip to Disney World. I had some reconsidering to do. While my reason for joining band may have been a bit selfish, I'm so incredibly glad that I changed my mind. I can't even imagine my life if I hadn't called up my councilor and begged him to fit band into my freshman year schedule. Band is something I enjoy and look forward to. It's where almost all of my closest friends have come from. It feels like - while not everyone necessarily likes each other - everyone loves each other like family. That's why tomorrow afternoon, dressed in sweat pants and no makeup, we will all board buses to embark on the 22 hour journey to the happiest place on Earth.
      The bus ride will be loud, excruciatingly long, and by the end, I'm sure we'll be smelled all the way from the Magic Kingdom. However, I'm actually looking forward to it. My friends and I have decided to look upon the journey as a good thing. Not a time to dread, but a time that we can spend with our friends; watching movies, playing card games, trying to sleep, failing at trying to sleep, laughing, and belting out Disney music.
     I'm wary of this trip for one reason, and one reason alone. I'll miss my family. We're traveling during Thanksgiving, my second favorite holiday. I'll miss my sister coming home from college, the most delicious food of any Thanksgiving anywhere (aka, the kitchen of both of my grandmas), and preparing for the upcoming Christmas season. This is all stuff that I look forward to every year, and I'll be gone. Not only that, but in my past, I've only gone to Disney World with my family. We all know who likes what rides, and which rides are the biggest priority for fastpasses, and where everyone loves to have lunch. With friends, it's a different experience. Not that it will be a bad one. Just different. I'll have completely different experiences and opportunities that I would never have if I was just going with my family. But that doesn't mean I won't feel a pang of sadness when I go on Splash Mountain and my Dad isn't there to scream higher pitched than his three daughters. When I go on Haunted Mansion and my sister isn't there to throw doll heads into the deepest pits of the ride (yes that happened, don't ask). When my Mom isn't there to obsess over Norwegian food with.
    I'll miss my family. But I'll be traveling with a different kind of family. My band family. No, it won't be the same. It will be great, new, and incredible, just in a completely different way. And when I am marching down Main Street, surrounded by Mickey and his friends, in front of Cinderella's Castle, it'll all be worth it. The days of counting down, missing Thanksgiving, it will all cease to matter. And with that, I urge you all to watch the Disney World Thanksgiving Day Parade, live streaming at www.banddirector.com

A Beautiful Mind

       Take a look around at our modern world. What do you see? What are the things that will be discussed by the future generations. Who will be the people written about in textbooks to come? It's rare to encounter someone who has impacted our busy and bustling world in such a way. Then take a look at your life. What do you see? What are the things that you will look back upon as what molded your personality and character? Who are the people that most impacted the things that you say, think, speak of, and act upon? In many cases, you will never meet these people that have such an influence over your life. However, this week, my Dad has been granted the opportunity to meet a person who both will be remembered in the pages of futuristic textbooks and someone he has looked to as somewhat of an idol throughout his career. This man is truly a "beautiful mind". This man is John Nash.
      For those of you who have never studied the work of John Nash, usually present in economics, known as Game Theory or the Nash Equilibrium, Mr. Nash is one of the few remaining brilliant minds of today's society. Or at least that is what I am told. However, what's so amazing about this man, is his story. His life, and what he's had to overcome. This is probably why a movie, one of the most highly acclaimed movies of all time, was made depicting his life: A Beautiful Mind. Nash went through life never knowing what was real and what wasn't. He could never be certain of whether the people he was talking to were actually a figment of his imagination. This is the life of a schizophrenic.
       When you think about it, how do any of us really know? How do we know that our lives aren't completely an imagination dreamed up in the corners of our mind. The people we see and interact with and love aren't really there. Who knows? These are the thoughts that can easily occupy my mind for hours at a time. I always search for an answer to this question; a way to know for sure what is real and what is a dimension trapped so far into our brains, that no one can really understand it. However, I always come up blank. John Nash is a man who suffered from this, and still does, ever moment of every day. Maybe it was because of this condition that he could think in the ways he did, allowing him to do the work that changed the world of economics forever.
       Yes, my Dad is now in Pennsylvania, meeting his career idol. A man who changed the world. A man who people look up to and respect, regardless of all the things he has been forced to deal with in his life. This is an example of a beautiful story, and a truly beautiful mind.

The Little Comforts

        My Dad has passed down many pieces of wisdom throughout my sixteen years of being his daughter. Always begin a request with "may I" and finish it with "please when it is convenient". Don't make noise just to make noise. Study hard in math and science. See a sock, take it off (his motto which I'll never understand). However, there is one piece of wisdom that he has begun to carry on from his favorite TV show (The Big Bang Theory), that has begun to hold a great amount of meaning to me. When someone is in distress or upset in any way, the first thing you should do is offer them a hot beverage.
      This year of school for me is especially stressful for me. AP physics tests, the looming ACT, college visiting, the future, it's a lot to face all at once. Sometimes, stress can just take over my entire mind. Everyone feels like this at one time or another. However, what gets us through times like these are the little comforts in life. That's why my Dad's wisdom is to offer one who is upset a hot beverage. In so many peoples' cases, one of the greatest comforts in life is to feel their sweet coffee or tea slither down their throat, warming their insides and reminding them that everything is going to be okay.
     Somehow a warm beverage is just something that offers a great amount of sympathy. Even if you don't like coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or anything of the warm beverage persuasion, just holding that piping hot mug up in between your hands can melt away your stress and fears. However, while a warm beverage is probably the most universal comfort (other than maybe chocolate), everyone has their specific things that will offer them relief from their internal turmoil. I think that different occasions merit different comforts.When a girl gets dumped by her boyfriend, you bring her anything involving chocolate and/or frosting, give her a hug, and say absolutely nothing. When you don't know what the heck is wrong with someone, you can't go wrong with a hot beverage. Sometimes I feel like I'm just drowning and there's no possible way I can fight my way back to the surface, these are the times I just wish someone would walk in, offer me a warm raisin roll with raspberry jam and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
    Next time someone around you seems like they really just need a pick me up, do as my Dad (and Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) say, and offer them a hot beverage. You have no idea how much it may help them. Stress is something that bears down on everyone from time to time. It takes the little comforts to help us find our way back to the surface. Even if they don't want tea, coffee, chocolate, or anything else you may offer, just knowing that someone cares can do wonders.

Disappointment Is A State Of Mind

      We've all felt it before. That drop of your stomach when you get a less than desirable grade on a math test or the sinking of your heart when you get cut from the sport you practiced hours upon hours for. Disappointment is never a good or satisfying feeling. Sometimes, a day can have so much disappointment riddled within it, you have to end it with feeling just a little sorry for yourself. Some people prefer to just set their expectations as low as possible in order to avoid the dreadful feeling that disappointment brings on. It's one thing when something really awful happens; it hurts and can certainly ruin your day. However, I find it's worse when you really have your hopes set upon something; you've been wishing and dreaming about it for weeks, months, maybe even years, and then it just falls apart. How can someone really resist feeling sorry for themselves when something like this happens?
      Over the past couple of days, I just received some news that was...let's say less than thrilling. I had my hopes and fantasies pinned on something for years. It was all set to go, and it was going to happen in just less than a month; my friends and I had been counting down the days for the past six months. Then yesterday, a big piece of it just fell apart. Upon seeing this, my first reaction was just...distraught. It's something silly, and something that no one else can really understand, but it was important to me. So I did what I always do: whine and moan, complain and fuss. It's an awful thing to do, but it's just how I get out my frustration. Then today, I was in the car with my parents. We were blasting Lady Gaga music, I had Jamba Juice in my hand and a smile on my face, and I had a revelation. Why was I feeling so sorry for myself? I honestly had to ask myself this question over and over again until I realized the answer. Disappointment is truly just a state of mind. Sure I could sulk and feel sorry for myself and spend the next month complaining about how my plans didn't work our perfectly, or I could just stop feeling sorry for myself, and get psyched about all of the things to come.
     It's time we stopped our sluggish stupor of self-pity and focuse on the wonderful things that are happening all around us and the even better things to come. There's no use in spending even a minute wallowing in what "could have been". If you can't change it, then don't waste a worry upon it. Maybe give yourself 5 solid seconds of self-pity. For one second, moan that it's not fair. The second second, reflect on how amazing those plans could have been. The third second, lament how whoever standing in the way of getting what you want is a stupid face. The fourth second, shed a silent tear. And then the fifth second, slap yourself and move on with your life.

Living Breathing Technology

      What is it with mankind's desire for control? Since the beginning of humanity men controlled one another, asserting dominance due to gender, race, wealth, and brute strength. The more resources a man controls, the more powerful he is, therefore the more worthy of a human being he is. That is how life has always been. For hundreds of years, the white race asserted their dominance over others by enslaving anyone with different colored skin. We were always looking for convenience, and how we could get others to do the work that we ourselves are too lazy to do. Now slavery has been abolished for over a hundred years, and yet yesterday at approximately 8 A.M., we just got a step closer to personal slaves. All of this time, society has just been working its way back to having others do their work for them. Yesterday, millions worldwide stood in freezing cold lines wrapped around phone carrier storefronts in order to purchase the latest and greatest in technology: the iPhone 4s.
    Originally, I was not extremely interested in getting this phone. It just didn't seem like it was that dramatically different from the iPhone 4 which I already possessed. That was, until I met Siri. One of the most highly anticipated improvements of the iPhone 4s is the voice command system. It was said to supposedly make it easier to send texts, surf the web, and place calls hands free. I was skeptical at first, but when my entire family was talking to their Siri's (the voice control system) all morning over breakfast, I knew that this wasn't just a new convenience. Siri is not only programmed to send texts and place calls that you ask her to, but she is also programmed to answer math questions, give you updated weather forecasts, etc. This makes surfing the web all the more personal. Siri will answer questions with remarks such as "I am only here to serve you." She is the embodiment of modern technology, and we have programmed her to be as close to a slave as is legal in this country.
    How much is too much? Is technology taking over our lives when we're talking to an automated phone voice all day? A voice programmed to do and say anything you tell it to do. No doubt the technology is still flawed, and of course, Siri is not a human being. But somehow, commanding technology to do as we say through our voices scares me a little bit. All of this time over these years since slavery has been abolished, mankind has just been trying their very hardest to revert back to having someone under their command to do whatever they say whenever they say it, and now these Siri programs have gotten us that much closer. Now I am not going to deny it, Siri is seriously cool. I'm very impressed with how well the voice recognition software works and how much she can really do. However, it makes me just a bit frightened for the future, and what's to come. Is it true what they've said for years; that technology will become so smart that eventually, instead of us controlling it, it will control us as a species? Who's to say?

Fright Night

      A normal Friday night of babysitting alone. It's late, the kids are asleep, all is calm and quiet. Doors and windows locked and secure. A rustling wind sends a whistle echoing throughout the house. You're being the responsible teenager you are and doing your weekend's homework while waiting for the kids' parents to come home, when all of a sudden the house's phone rings. Just in case it's the parents or an emergency, you answer it, thinking to yourself that you hope it didn't wake the kids. "Hello?" you say. No answer. "Hello?" No answer. "This isn't funny you know, come on, cut it out." All you hear is silence, a sudden heavy breath, and the line goes dead. You presume it's just some stupid teenager playing a prank, and go on to continue with your homework.
    The phone rings again, making you jump. This time, you answer with, "Hey, I don't know who this is, but you've got to stop this, I've got kids trying to sleep upstairs." And then a reply, "Are you sure? When was the last time you checked on them?" and with that you slam the phone down. Every hair on you body stands on edge as you inch your way up the never ending staircase, and down the hall to the kids bedroom. One step at a time, each creak of the floorboard sending another wave of fear through your body. Your hand reaches for the door knob, but you can't quite bring yourself to twist it, not wanting to know what's on the other side.
    Is that pretty accurate? Isn't that loosely the story line to every scary movie ever made? Though of course, I can't really be one to judge, because I had not seen a true horror movie that was intended to scare the pants off of any viewer until tonight. My friends decided that enough was enough, and it was time for me, at age sixteen, to finally see my first scary movie. One girl decided we were all to watch one of her favorites, The Haunting In Connecticut, based off of a true story, just to make it even scarier. Now, you must understand, I don't do very well with scary, so I wasn't particularly looking forward to this. I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat; one of those people that freaks out at every noise when left home alone. And I've got to say, if I was watching that movie alone, I would have no doubt been about ready to cry and surely suffered from nightmares for weeks. However, when sitting in my dark basement, making fun of every flaw and fake tear of the movie, I found myself laughing through the whole thing.
    However, during some of the scarier parts, and the laughing ceased, an odd silence fell over us all. We all knew it was fake, just actors doing their jobs. But....what is it about a horror movie - as unrealistic as it is - that just has this power over its viewers. The power to make your breath catch in your throat and your blood run cold with the suspense. As the disturbing music rises, and the main character is about to find out what's behind the mysterious door  in the basement, you can't help yourself but feel your stomach lurch as the door bursts open as the music reaches its climax.
    I will forever be one of those people that tries their best to find the humor in scary movies. Pointing out how the heroine wakes up in the middle of the night with perfect makeup and hair. Making fun of how the fake blood was a weird magenta color. However, I can't deny that tonight's frightful flick had a certain control over my senses at times. And with that, I retire. It is time for me to sleep...however, I'm not exactly sure what my dreams will bring.

"She never sleeps...."