"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." This is a saying repeated through cheesy novels and romantic comedies since the beginning of time. However, is it really true? Maybe it applies sometimes, but from all of the heartbreak I'm observing right now, it's hard to have much faith in the saying.
Today started week three of a pre-medical institute at Washington University in St. Louis, the final week. Coming into the program, a group of thirty girls and guys are thrown together in a minimum security dorm, spending all day and all night with one another. I guess it should have been expected that bonds would be made and feelings would be developed. What I hadn't expected was that some of these feelings would be directed towards me. So, I had a decision to make. Do as the others in the program were doing and pursue a "relationship" that will meet an inevitable doom in three short weeks, or to not. Call me boring, too serious, a worrywart, whatever, I decided against it.
I didn't see a big enough upside to the guaranteed sadness and pain that would ensue from creating any tight bonds with these people I'll more than likely never see again. Maybe that sounds cold hearted, maybe it is cold hearted. Three weeks just wouldn't be worth it to me. However, I was one of the very few in this program that felt that way. My prediction came true. Bonds were formed, feelings developed...to the point where almost no boys or girls were sleeping in their own beds.
As one may assume, the second week was a romantic high for a lot of people here. There was a lot of hand holding, stolen kisses, relationship Facebook status alterations, the whole nine yards. But, anyone who's ridden a roller coaster knows that as exhilarating and wonderful as that high is, and as much as you may never want it to end, that high will eventually come crashing down. That brings us here. Week three.
Realizations are beginning to come into focus. That inevitable end that once seemed so far off is now baring its ugly face. I went home for the weekend and relationships were at nauseating as could be. When I returned, loving gazes have turned to regretful glances. Holding hands affectionately is now desperately clinging to what they know is slipping away.
Yes, the relationship high has indeed begun to plummet. Tears have already begun to flow in anticipation of the ride being over. So is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Are all of these tears and heartache worth it? Who's to say? But when my friend - one shedding tears over soon leaving this program and consequentially her "boyfriend" who lives overseas - asked me for advice, I knew exactly what to say. We have one week left. A third of the program. She's going to face pain either way at this point, the ride will end, she's already had the high, there's no getting off now. But the ride isn't over yet. She has five more days to finish up the ride of her life. Would it have been better if she had never invested herself in this to begin with? Is it better to have loved and lost? Who's to say?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Finding Your Footing
In any new situation, no matter how big or small the change, there's always a period of adjustment. Sometimes the change is for the better, sometimes for the better, but regardless of the circumstances, the adjustment is never very fun. Personally, I am currently in the midst of a very new situation to me. This change involves being four hundred miles away from my parents, my sister, my home. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm close with my family, and I've never been away from them for any extended period of time before, especially not away from them with no friends, acquaintances, just a lot of unfamiliar faces.
This is all exciting, scary, fun, and lonely at first, all at the same time. Most of the other kids at this three week pre-medical program have been away from home several times before and treasure the freedom it entails. However, over the last week of adjusting to this new environment, I've been feeling the opposite. I love what I'm doing; learning about the medical field, dissecting brains and eyeballs, meeting new people, it's all a lot of great experiences. Most of the people are fantastic, and it's so interesting hearing about their lives and how differently people from different states and countries live. But, I can't help the occasional wave of homesickness that washes over me.
Of course, I've been able to keep in contact with my parents and sisters via Skype and texting. I stay in touch with friends over frequent e-mails and such. But, I've had many moments during this program in which all I wanted to do was to be able to grab my mom or my dad and just give them the biggest, tightest, I-never-want-to-let-you-go-hugs EVER. It's already been a week, so you'd think I would be completely adjusted by now, but this is all just so new to me. I realize that I only have one more year left of high school, and then that's it. It'll be the college experience, but I'll be gone for good. No counting down the days until I get to go back to the safe and easy environment of my childhood home, because I'll have to make somewhere else my new home. And that's scaring the living daylights out of me.
However, maybe the fact that I'm getting this experience, scariness and homesickness and all, is a really good thing. Maybe it'll make the transition when I go to college for good a lot smoother and expected. It'll be less of a thrown-into-the-deep-end-of-the-pool feeling, and more of a gradual wading into the water; letting my body acclimate to the pool temperature before allowing myself to be completely submerged. Not to say that it won't be difficult a year from now, and I'll be getting ready to move into a university that will become my home for at least four years of my life. It'll still be a challenge, and I'll still get homesick. But they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and this program is very far from killing me. In fact, I'm extraordinarily happy here about 75% of the time, and that percentage is slowly creeping its way upward. So I'm just hoping to come out of this program with a lot of great memories, interesting experiences, and a much stronger person.
This is all exciting, scary, fun, and lonely at first, all at the same time. Most of the other kids at this three week pre-medical program have been away from home several times before and treasure the freedom it entails. However, over the last week of adjusting to this new environment, I've been feeling the opposite. I love what I'm doing; learning about the medical field, dissecting brains and eyeballs, meeting new people, it's all a lot of great experiences. Most of the people are fantastic, and it's so interesting hearing about their lives and how differently people from different states and countries live. But, I can't help the occasional wave of homesickness that washes over me.
Of course, I've been able to keep in contact with my parents and sisters via Skype and texting. I stay in touch with friends over frequent e-mails and such. But, I've had many moments during this program in which all I wanted to do was to be able to grab my mom or my dad and just give them the biggest, tightest, I-never-want-to-let-you-go-hugs EVER. It's already been a week, so you'd think I would be completely adjusted by now, but this is all just so new to me. I realize that I only have one more year left of high school, and then that's it. It'll be the college experience, but I'll be gone for good. No counting down the days until I get to go back to the safe and easy environment of my childhood home, because I'll have to make somewhere else my new home. And that's scaring the living daylights out of me.
However, maybe the fact that I'm getting this experience, scariness and homesickness and all, is a really good thing. Maybe it'll make the transition when I go to college for good a lot smoother and expected. It'll be less of a thrown-into-the-deep-end-of-the-pool feeling, and more of a gradual wading into the water; letting my body acclimate to the pool temperature before allowing myself to be completely submerged. Not to say that it won't be difficult a year from now, and I'll be getting ready to move into a university that will become my home for at least four years of my life. It'll still be a challenge, and I'll still get homesick. But they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and this program is very far from killing me. In fact, I'm extraordinarily happy here about 75% of the time, and that percentage is slowly creeping its way upward. So I'm just hoping to come out of this program with a lot of great memories, interesting experiences, and a much stronger person.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Pin It!
The topic of social networking has come up time and time again through school, newspapers, blogs, television, etc. There's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the list goes on and on. But in the last year or so, a new form of internet entertainment has emerged. I'm sure most of you have heard of the website Pinterest, but if you haven't, it's basically the ideal website for those of us who: A. ADORE being an extreme packrat and B. Enjoy procrastinating through browsing random internet articles and pictures.
For those of you who don't know, on www.pinterest.com, you have "boards" on which you can "pin" random articles, pictures, ideas, sayings, really anything, that you would like to come back to. You can browse what other people pin, it's enough to keep me entertained for hours while I should be doing something more productive. Most of what I pin consists of either really amazing outfits I wish I owned, interesting ideas I had never thought of before, or recipes that look delicious beyond belief.
I got to a point where I realized I was wasting WAY too much time on this website. While I found many articles extremely interesting, recipes to be enticing, and outfits to be dazzling, none of it was real. I could pin these things all I wanted, but in the end, it didn't amount to anything in the real world. So, I decided to make a compromise with myself. I would allow myself to go on Pinterest for a modest amount of time, as long as I actually DID the things that I pinned on the addicting website.
So far, I've been pretty good about this compromise. Examples: I once pinned the fact that if you write a letter to your favorite Disney princess and send it to Walt Disney World Communications, you will receive a lovely post card back. My Cinderella post card now hangs proudly on my bulletin board. I also once pinned a recipe that looked far too beautiful and complicated for me to ever achieve for an Apple Braid. It involved braiding bread dough. But by golly, I did it, and it was delicious.
Now that I actually take some of these virtual "pins" and put them into real-life actions, I feel so much more accomplished when I'm supposedly "wasting" time on the internet. Maybe it's just justifying wasting time, but hey, when the apple braid, lemon bars, cinnamon pull-apart bread, or WHATEVER you happen to "pin" tastes good, I say EAT IT!
For those of you who don't know, on www.pinterest.com, you have "boards" on which you can "pin" random articles, pictures, ideas, sayings, really anything, that you would like to come back to. You can browse what other people pin, it's enough to keep me entertained for hours while I should be doing something more productive. Most of what I pin consists of either really amazing outfits I wish I owned, interesting ideas I had never thought of before, or recipes that look delicious beyond belief.
I got to a point where I realized I was wasting WAY too much time on this website. While I found many articles extremely interesting, recipes to be enticing, and outfits to be dazzling, none of it was real. I could pin these things all I wanted, but in the end, it didn't amount to anything in the real world. So, I decided to make a compromise with myself. I would allow myself to go on Pinterest for a modest amount of time, as long as I actually DID the things that I pinned on the addicting website.
So far, I've been pretty good about this compromise. Examples: I once pinned the fact that if you write a letter to your favorite Disney princess and send it to Walt Disney World Communications, you will receive a lovely post card back. My Cinderella post card now hangs proudly on my bulletin board. I also once pinned a recipe that looked far too beautiful and complicated for me to ever achieve for an Apple Braid. It involved braiding bread dough. But by golly, I did it, and it was delicious.
Now that I actually take some of these virtual "pins" and put them into real-life actions, I feel so much more accomplished when I'm supposedly "wasting" time on the internet. Maybe it's just justifying wasting time, but hey, when the apple braid, lemon bars, cinnamon pull-apart bread, or WHATEVER you happen to "pin" tastes good, I say EAT IT!
Leaving The Nest
This is the subject that has been floating around everyone my age's mind for the last few months. However, usually it's not an immediate worry for another year. I'm going to be a senior in high school next year, so this is the summer that's all about college visiting, thinking about applications, and coming to terms with the reality that you most likely will be leaving the comfort of your home and parents to stand on your own two feet. I just so happen to be lucky enough to get a little taste of this before I've even applied to a single university.
Tomorrow I leave home behind for three weeks in order to explore the medical profession in a college setting. I'll be staying in a university dorm, eating the college food, going to lectures and labs from 9 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. Three weeks on my own. Three weeks of no parents to answer to. Three weeks of making my own decisions and living my own life. While this is very exciting and I'm sure my pre-med program will be extraordinarily interesting and enlightening, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared.
Some may say that three weeks is nothing. Lots of others my age go away for way longer than three weeks for summer camps, internships, and so on. However, I've never been away from my family for more than a week at a time, and even then, I was with my friends. This is the first time I'm going to be thrown into a completely new environment, not knowing anyone else, and hoping for the best. I'm glad I'm getting this experience now. This time, when my parents hug and kiss me goodbye and I feel a twinge of homesickness beginning to kick in, I'll be able to tell myself: "it's only for three weeks." Next time, it'll be at whatever college I decide to study at for my undergrad, and it won't be only for three weeks. It'll be for the year, and ultimately, the rest of my life.
I'll miss my parents and sisters like crazy, but deep down, I know that this is good for me. New experiences, stepping outside my comfort zone, learning to be on my own, getting the roommate and dorm experience. I'm ready to embark on this adventure and have a wonderful time, but not without a few looks backward at the loving and comfortable home and family I'll be leaving behind.
Tomorrow I leave home behind for three weeks in order to explore the medical profession in a college setting. I'll be staying in a university dorm, eating the college food, going to lectures and labs from 9 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. Three weeks on my own. Three weeks of no parents to answer to. Three weeks of making my own decisions and living my own life. While this is very exciting and I'm sure my pre-med program will be extraordinarily interesting and enlightening, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared.
Some may say that three weeks is nothing. Lots of others my age go away for way longer than three weeks for summer camps, internships, and so on. However, I've never been away from my family for more than a week at a time, and even then, I was with my friends. This is the first time I'm going to be thrown into a completely new environment, not knowing anyone else, and hoping for the best. I'm glad I'm getting this experience now. This time, when my parents hug and kiss me goodbye and I feel a twinge of homesickness beginning to kick in, I'll be able to tell myself: "it's only for three weeks." Next time, it'll be at whatever college I decide to study at for my undergrad, and it won't be only for three weeks. It'll be for the year, and ultimately, the rest of my life.
I'll miss my parents and sisters like crazy, but deep down, I know that this is good for me. New experiences, stepping outside my comfort zone, learning to be on my own, getting the roommate and dorm experience. I'm ready to embark on this adventure and have a wonderful time, but not without a few looks backward at the loving and comfortable home and family I'll be leaving behind.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Expect The Unexpected
Growing up in my family, vacations were never exactly standard. To begin, my dad is a pilot and used to fly commercially. This occupation brought a certain chache when it came to traveling. He would often fly my family in our small private airplane. While that may sound extraordinarily glamorous, it's not as fancy as most probably imagine. However, growing up, this was just the norm for me.
One difference between the airline and our small airplane is assurance. Usually, when a friend tells you they're going on vacation, they can tell you for sure where and when they are going. When a friend asks me where I'm going on vacation, very often my answer will be something like "well...we're thinking East coast. But we're not sure, we may end up going out West instead." When they ask when I'll be leaving for my trip, my answer will almost always be along the lines of "No idea...we might not even end up going if the weather changes." So as one may imagine, we've gone on our fair share of adventures in our small plane. Several times, a trip we've been planning for months gets completely ruined by the unreliability of the weather. Even more often, it just leads to unexpected adventures. So you could say that I've had to get used to "flying by the seat of my pants" when it comes to vacations.
About a week ago, my grandma began talking about cruises and got a wistful look on her face. If it were up to her, she would spend her golden years traveling the world. However, my grandpa doesn't exactly have the same plans. That day, I saw ads for cheap last minute cruises. I looked into it, just for fun, and found several options that looked like they could maybe fit our busy schedule. Though I didn't think anything would come of it. However, as of Friday, we have airline tickets booked for Copenhagen, Denmark and cruise ship cabins booked to leave on Tuesday. If someone told me that was hasty or spontaneous I would say "why yes, it is" with a proud smile on my face.
Friday morning, my expectation was to be in Boston this week visiting my sister. However, maybe it was due to the shift in the winds or fate or whatever you may want to say, now I am expecting to be in Northern Europe this week. Who even knows what will end up happening? All I know is that I'll enjoy the ride and have some great stories to tell when I get back.
One difference between the airline and our small airplane is assurance. Usually, when a friend tells you they're going on vacation, they can tell you for sure where and when they are going. When a friend asks me where I'm going on vacation, very often my answer will be something like "well...we're thinking East coast. But we're not sure, we may end up going out West instead." When they ask when I'll be leaving for my trip, my answer will almost always be along the lines of "No idea...we might not even end up going if the weather changes." So as one may imagine, we've gone on our fair share of adventures in our small plane. Several times, a trip we've been planning for months gets completely ruined by the unreliability of the weather. Even more often, it just leads to unexpected adventures. So you could say that I've had to get used to "flying by the seat of my pants" when it comes to vacations.
About a week ago, my grandma began talking about cruises and got a wistful look on her face. If it were up to her, she would spend her golden years traveling the world. However, my grandpa doesn't exactly have the same plans. That day, I saw ads for cheap last minute cruises. I looked into it, just for fun, and found several options that looked like they could maybe fit our busy schedule. Though I didn't think anything would come of it. However, as of Friday, we have airline tickets booked for Copenhagen, Denmark and cruise ship cabins booked to leave on Tuesday. If someone told me that was hasty or spontaneous I would say "why yes, it is" with a proud smile on my face.
Friday morning, my expectation was to be in Boston this week visiting my sister. However, maybe it was due to the shift in the winds or fate or whatever you may want to say, now I am expecting to be in Northern Europe this week. Who even knows what will end up happening? All I know is that I'll enjoy the ride and have some great stories to tell when I get back.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
When You Feel Sad...
It's been an interesting few weeks since I last posted a blog entry. I had some of the best days of my life, and probably some of the worst as well. I've had a ton of fun, been incredibly happy, been incredibly stressed, felt extraordinarily confused. However, that description is probably pretty standard for life in general. Cycles of happiness and sadness. But, I've found the cure. Yes, it's revolutionary and something no one's ever thought of before, I am sure of it.
So are you ready to hear my secret? Keep in mind, this is not a permanent fix for sadness, however it is a temporary solution. Okay, here it is...
Stop.
Being.
Sad.
Be.
Happy.
Instead.
That is all.
When things seem so bad, and you just cannot stop thinking about whatever it is that's making you sad, STOP BEING SAD! Now, I know what you're thinking, that's much easier said than done. Well, luckily, I've come up with a few steps you can take in order to ward off these bad feelings that get you down.
1. Embrace the power of music. The right song can change your mood at the drop of a hat. That may be a cliche, but trust me, don't waste your time on angsty music that just makes you feel more sad. Use those songs that make you want to dance and sing to your heart's content.
2. Food. Another huge cliche, but seriously, you're sad, these are the moments for your version of comfort food. Whether that be ice cream, pickles, chocolate, just go for it.
3. Things that are self-fulfilling. Exercising, studying, learning a new skill, a big project. Anything that gives a feeling of accomplishment.
4. My biggest suggestion, and probably what is the most effective: Friends. Surround yourself with the people you love who will make you laugh and smile. It's moments like these when you realize how invaluable your friends and family really are.
On another note, I've had a lot of crazy stuff been going on in my life lately, and I wrote down subjects I wanted to talk about at one point or another, but never got to writing an entry on, so those will trickle in in the next few blogs.
So are you ready to hear my secret? Keep in mind, this is not a permanent fix for sadness, however it is a temporary solution. Okay, here it is...
Stop.
Being.
Sad.
Be.
Happy.
Instead.
That is all.
When things seem so bad, and you just cannot stop thinking about whatever it is that's making you sad, STOP BEING SAD! Now, I know what you're thinking, that's much easier said than done. Well, luckily, I've come up with a few steps you can take in order to ward off these bad feelings that get you down.
1. Embrace the power of music. The right song can change your mood at the drop of a hat. That may be a cliche, but trust me, don't waste your time on angsty music that just makes you feel more sad. Use those songs that make you want to dance and sing to your heart's content.
2. Food. Another huge cliche, but seriously, you're sad, these are the moments for your version of comfort food. Whether that be ice cream, pickles, chocolate, just go for it.
3. Things that are self-fulfilling. Exercising, studying, learning a new skill, a big project. Anything that gives a feeling of accomplishment.
4. My biggest suggestion, and probably what is the most effective: Friends. Surround yourself with the people you love who will make you laugh and smile. It's moments like these when you realize how invaluable your friends and family really are.
On another note, I've had a lot of crazy stuff been going on in my life lately, and I wrote down subjects I wanted to talk about at one point or another, but never got to writing an entry on, so those will trickle in in the next few blogs.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Pancakes
We go to school for eight hours a day. Eight class periods of lectures, tests, quizzes, projects, basically cramming as much knowledge as your brain can take. Needless to say, I think the average high school student's mind is mildly fried by the end of a full day of school. This is why I think that everyone should have a lunch period. If I took eight classes straight through the day, I'm not sure what I would do. My lunch period is what I look forward to in my day. It's a time when I can shut off my mind for 49 minutes, sit with my friends, and let my brain ease off of overdrive.
I'm going to preface the beginning of this story with the fact that I sit with three of my favorite people in the world during my lunch. They're the kind of friends I don't really have to worry about what I say when I'm around, because no matter how stupid it may be, we can all just laugh about it. Now, we may not have the most intellectual conversations in the world...but that doesn't meant that they're not the most entertaining in the world. We spent our entire lunch period today inserting the word "pancake" into movie titles, band names, etc. For example, Blink 182 becomes Blink 18pancake. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows becomes Harry Potter and the Deathly Pancakes. Sir Mix A Lot is Sir Mix A Pancake. I could go on and on.
When I told my Mom about this lunch conversation, she gave me that "you're a stupid teenager" face. We've all gotten it from our parents at one point or another. But honestly, I don't care that those 49 minutes consisted of possibly the most pointless conversation of my life. During this time, I did not have a stressful thought about my upcoming physics test. I didn't dwell on the fact that I haven't started studying for AP tests yet. All I did, was think of great movie titles that we could drizzle in butter and syrup. Everyone needs to have a time in their day when they can kick back, let go of their worries, and simply discuss The Girl With The Pancake Tattoo.
I'm going to preface the beginning of this story with the fact that I sit with three of my favorite people in the world during my lunch. They're the kind of friends I don't really have to worry about what I say when I'm around, because no matter how stupid it may be, we can all just laugh about it. Now, we may not have the most intellectual conversations in the world...but that doesn't meant that they're not the most entertaining in the world. We spent our entire lunch period today inserting the word "pancake" into movie titles, band names, etc. For example, Blink 182 becomes Blink 18pancake. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows becomes Harry Potter and the Deathly Pancakes. Sir Mix A Lot is Sir Mix A Pancake. I could go on and on.
When I told my Mom about this lunch conversation, she gave me that "you're a stupid teenager" face. We've all gotten it from our parents at one point or another. But honestly, I don't care that those 49 minutes consisted of possibly the most pointless conversation of my life. During this time, I did not have a stressful thought about my upcoming physics test. I didn't dwell on the fact that I haven't started studying for AP tests yet. All I did, was think of great movie titles that we could drizzle in butter and syrup. Everyone needs to have a time in their day when they can kick back, let go of their worries, and simply discuss The Girl With The Pancake Tattoo.
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