One day, I'll really have to learn my own lessons and practice what I preach. I, like everyone else in this world, put my foot in my mouth from time to time. For me, I have a horrible tendency to do this about three to four times a day - ask my friends and family, it's true. I'll say things without thinking it through; without even considering the possible repercussions. In my case, it's getting angry and all fired up about things that just don't matter in the least.
I'm not like some people, I do have some common sense, I know when to keep my mouth closed in public. I know when it's appropriate to say what around my friends. My parents and my teachers starting in preschool drilled into my head: "think before you act" or in this case, "think before you speak". Usually, I'm good about this around almost everyone. Unfortunately, this "almost everyone" that I'm good around...doesn't include my family that I'm all too comfortable getting crazy around.
Most things that go wrong, I can really let go as if it's nothing in school or around friends. But there are certain random things that for some reason, just start this fire within me, and I feel like I'm about to explode if I don't let it out. If I'm in public or with friends, I can contain myself. However, being around my family is another story. I feel like they've seen me at my best and worst, so it won't make a difference to them if I freak out. So if one of those weird random things happens that really gets me mad, I'll just let it all out. One of these weird things is when something doesn't work, and I can't figure it out. This can be while studying for a test covering material I don't understand, or if an electronic is malfunctioning and I can't fix it. For some reason, this is infinitely frustrating to me, and I just can't deal with it.
My other big thing is not feeling safe. Feeling like I'm in danger scares me so much, and it's just another thing that I absolutely can't deal with. So if I'm around my family and I can't understand a math unit or I feel unsafe in some way, I will have no reserves just bursting out into hysterics. Then, ten minutes later, I look back on how I behaved and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Sometimes, even while I'm in hysterics, I'll know I should stop, but for some reason that spark of anger within me just needs to let it out.
Advice (of which I should take myself): if you feel that spark of anger within you, and you know you're going to need to yell at something because you're so frustrated, think about investing in a punching bag of some sort. I'm thinking it'll help. That way you won't make your family wish they could use you as a punching bag.
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