Should I leave my hair down or put it up? Straightened or curly? Maybe I should braid it so it will be wavy in the morning. Would I look good with bangs? Or maybe side swept bangs are the way to go. I could cut my hair all together. Layers could look cute...they would frame my face. Then again, I love my long hair, there's just so much I can do with it. Maybe I should get highlights. It would bring out my features; maybe make my eyes pop. Or I could always go darker in color. But then again, I would have to worry about my eyebrow shade not matching.
Hair. Up, down, all around; regardless of all of the products one can put in it, all of the different styles, cuts, and shapes, it's all just the same thing. Hair. Dead skin cells. This is what my friend has been telling me all of this time while I've been toiling over the possibility of dying my hair. Over the past couple of years, I've used my hair as a way of change. When I wanted to get over something in my life, and move on to something new, I would start with my hair. My hair is something easily changed, that I can be in control of. If I needed a means of getting over something and moving on, with each snip of my hair was just another way of washing whatever I want to move on from right out of my system.
As 500 Days of Summer said: "Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage, she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing." Hair is something much more than dead skin cells laying upon one's head. It's more than just another way to "express" ourselves as well. I see it as something I can control. When I can't control something happening in my life - which is one of the things I just hate - I can just mess with my hair for hours. Manipulate the strands between my fingers until there wasn't a hair out of place. If something went really wrong in my life or I was really upset about something, I could just get out my scissors and snip away the pain and grief. Now I am considering doing something to this mane of hair that I won't be able to control the outcome of. Changing the color of the hair that has been my natural color of light brown all of my life. For some reason at the end of this school year that hasn't been the easiest, I just feel the need for a change. However, this is not a change I will be able to control, which scares me. I'm not sure if the risk will be one that will end with a "why didn't I do this sooner" or with a starting of the countdown of days until I can dye it back.
Hair is not just vanity. For me anyways, it's a part of who I am. With a change in my hair comes a change in myself. If you cannot relate to my words, try the words of 500 Days of Summer, Hair, Hairspray, even Lady Gaga's song "Hair". "I just wanna be myself, and I want you to love me for who I am. I just wanna be myself, and I want you to know, I am my hair. I've had enough, this is my prayer. That I'll die living just as free as my hair."
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