All By Myself

               Alone. All by myself. Privacy. Lacking company. Detached. Isolated from the rest of the world. This is something that is craved by millions. They just want to get away from the rest of the world to be alone with their own thoughts for a while. Parents long to get away from their children for some peace and quiet. Teenagers want to get away from their parents for freedom to do what they wish. Students want to get away from school to relax. Sometimes everyone just needs to have their alone time. A time to sit and really be able to think and not have anyone else infringe upon that. However, being alone is also one some people's biggest fear.
               It's said that someone just "needs to get away", they need to be alone, and be able to think clearly. But once that privacy is granted, it's nice for a while; until the silence starts to become overwhelming. Everyone around that you could turn to, someone to talk to, or even just to be around another person, is gone, because you told them to leave. The freedom feels great for a while. You can finally get things done that you're never able to without distraction surrounding you. You don't have to worry about being too loud, or compromising about what to watch on TV. Then hours have passed, and you begin to miss the feeling that your family or friends are right around the corner.
              In relationships one side of it will say "I just need some space for a while" to be alone, or explore other options, whatever. Then there are millions of people in this world who are absolutely terrified of ending up alone. That's the worst that could happen to them. It's just ironic to me. Privacy, freedom to do anything you want without a family or relationship holding you back, is something that is craved by so many. However being alone is something most feared in this world. Yet privacy and being alone are essentially the same thing. The one difference I see: privacy will come to an end. Being alone is forever.

Don't Complain, 'Cause Baby I Was Born This Way

              Sorry to all of those Glee haters out there, but I am an admitted "Gleek". Bursting out into song at the most random times possible with obscure show tunes...that's basically my life, so it makes sense for me. Today's Glee episode was all based upon the prospect of loving yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all put together with a fabulous Lady Gaga number at the end, performing her (of course) "Born This Way". Everyone is ashamed. It can be about a particular aspect of their appearance. It can be a personality flaw. A personal preference, their past, or maybe event their future. We all like to say that we walk with our heads held high, and we love ourselves no matter what, resulting in an unfaltering self-confidence. However, no one, and I mean no one can say they don't have one thing about them that they wish they could change.
             Our society puts so much weight upon appearance. :The exact aspects of a person that make them unique and who they are are the same things that they are tortured and ridiculed for, if not by bullies in school, by their own self-conscience. Girls will do everything in their power to change their appearance. Starving themselves, packing on the pounds of makeup. Even cosmetic surgery in some extreme cases of low self esteem.  When I was in elementary school, I thought I was just the most awesome and beautiful girl in the world. However, with growing up came realization that I wasn't. I wasn't the most beautiful, funny, or talented person. I have flaws, as everyone does. But in my middle school days I couldn't see past my slightly larger than normal nose, and I could only dream of the day when I was old enough to get a nose job.
            I saw my nose as something that would hold me back for the rest of my life, because it wasn't perfect. For a while, I just wanted to hide away, because I thought I was ugly. I thought I couldn't ever compare with the barbie-esque girls of my school. It took a very wise beyond her years girl who ended up becoming my best friend to show me that I was beautiful, not in spite of my flaws, but because of them. That any other nose, and I wouldn't be me anymore. With this realization, came an epiphany with my personality as well. That I was never to change myself for anyone, no matter what. my personality certainly isn't perfect. I put my foot in my mouth all the time, I'm nosier than anyone should be, I'm awkward in dozens of social situations, but hey, I love myself. Not in an "I'm perfect, everyone should adore me" way, but in a "I don't want to be anyone else, because I am me" sort of way. And this is how everyone should feel.
            If I didn't have that friend to teach my these things, I don't know how I would have ended up as a person? Would I still be my quirky and flawed self? Or would I be a fake alternate version of myself that changed herself too much to even know who she is anymore? Who's to say. All I know, is that you should love who you are. Big noses, small lips, weirdly shaped eyes, big ears, no matter what your thing is. Embrace is, make it work, flaunt it, and love it.

"Don;t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set. I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way." - Lady Gaga

It's So Bad I Can't Not Look At It!

                 Something I don't think I've mentioned in this blog as of yet is that my favorite TV show of all time is by far the hilarity encompassed in the show: Friends. The show is pure comedy genius (if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend paying your local library a trip to check out the series), and this is why I quote it so often that I don't even notice I do it anymore (an example being my blog entry titled: "Do A Little Dance, Make A Little Love...Well Basically Get Down Tonight"). When one of the characters Rachel sees two of her best friends in the middle of a romantic disaster, she says "oooh my god, I can't not look at it!", almost covering her eyes because it's so awful, but it's so bad she just can't look away. I can relate this to so many thousands of things in my daily life. The one I'd like to focus on: movies.
                 There are hundreds of deep, emotional, and all around epically crafted movies out there for people to experience. Titanic, Good Will Hunting, The Shawshank Redemption, movies that really make people have to think and analyze to understand their true depth and meaning. Then there are movies like what I witnessed tonight. Those movies that are so absolutely awful: the acting, the writing, just all around painful to sit through, yet they are just so bad, that they're actually quite good. Tonight I watched The Lizzie McGuire Movie for the first time in years. The first time I saw it as my innocent eight year old self thought it was just about the best movie EVER! Now watching it at sixteen, I notice so much more about its extreme flaws in almost every area. However, it's the atrocious lip syncing when Hilary Duff is yelling out: "This is what dreams are made of!" that makes it wonderful.
                 My other big example being the genius that is From Justin To Kelly, if you remember the first winner and runner up of American Idol made a movie together. But not just a movie, a movie that has instances where they randomly break into really sappy or irrelevant songs! It's the poorly coordinated dance scenes and flaky romance that makes the movie absolutely wonderful! My friends Stephanie and I couldn't go more than a sleepover or two without having to pop it into the DVD player and watch as Kelly sings to Justin about how she knew he was the one for her when they met on spring break.
                Epic and deep movies that make you feel extremely accomplished after you watch them are wonderful,k there is no denying it. However, I believe that these movies that are so bad that you just can't look away are good for the soul. You need one every once and a while, in a way I guess it kind of puts things into perspective. 

It Just...Slipped Out

              One day, I'll really have to learn my own lessons and practice what I preach. I, like everyone else in this world, put my foot in my mouth from time to time. For me, I have a horrible tendency to do this about three to four times a day - ask my friends and family, it's true. I'll say things without thinking it through; without even considering the possible repercussions. In my case, it's getting angry and all fired up about things that just don't matter in the least.
            I'm not like some people, I do have some common sense, I know when to keep my mouth closed in public. I know when it's appropriate to say what around my friends. My parents and my teachers starting in preschool drilled into my head: "think before you act" or in this case, "think before you speak". Usually, I'm good about this around almost everyone. Unfortunately, this "almost everyone" that I'm good around...doesn't include my family that I'm all too comfortable getting crazy around.
            Most things that go wrong, I can really let go as if it's nothing in school or around friends. But there are certain random things that for some reason, just start this fire within me, and I feel like I'm about to explode if I don't let it out. If I'm in public or with friends, I can contain myself. However, being around my family is another story. I feel like they've seen me at my best and worst, so it won't make a difference to them if I freak out. So if one of those weird random things happens that really gets me mad, I'll just let it all out. One of these weird things is when something doesn't work, and I can't figure it out. This can be while studying for a test covering material I don't understand, or if an electronic is malfunctioning and I can't fix it. For some reason, this is infinitely frustrating to me, and I just can't deal with it.
           My other big thing is not feeling safe. Feeling like I'm in danger scares me so much, and it's just another thing that I absolutely can't deal with. So if I'm around my family and I can't understand a math unit or I feel unsafe in some way, I will have no reserves just bursting out into hysterics. Then, ten minutes later, I look back on how I behaved and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Sometimes, even while I'm in hysterics, I'll know I should stop, but for some reason that spark of anger within me just needs to let it out.
          Advice (of which I should take myself): if you feel that spark of anger within you, and you know you're going to need to yell at something because you're so frustrated, think about investing in a punching bag of some sort. I'm thinking it'll help. That way you won't make your family wish they could use you as a punching bag.

Praise The Lord!

               I wouldn't exactly call myself the most religious girl in the world....actually, you could probably call me about the least religious person in the world. I consider myself my own form of Agnostic. I was raised in a very much religiously neutral family. My parents didn't want to brainwash my sisters and I to believe exactly what they believed it, they wanted us to decide on our own when we were old enough. In many ways, that's one of the things about my parents I admire most. They raised us to make our own decisions instead of pressing theirs upon us, saying this is what we NEED to believe in. I say I'm Agnostic because I believe that there may be a God...maybe not. There are hundreds of different religions and beliefs out there in the world, who's to say which one is right? There is absolutely no scientific proof of any of them being more true than the other...so why label it? My motto when it comes to religion is: ".....dunno...." with a casual shrug of the shoulders. There's no way to possibly know, so why claim that you do?
               Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to slam upon all of those hardcore Christians, Jewish, or anyone at all. I think in some ways, religion is a wonderful thing. It gives large masses of people a method of feeling better. It gives hope when things aren't going to great. It gives faith, a sense of love from their lord, a sense of belonging, and a sense of meaning, and I think that's great. However, in some ways, I also believe that religion is a scapegoat. When something goes terribly wrong, many will say that it was the will of God that this happened, through no fault of their own. How many times in a day do we say "Oh my God!"? Well next time you use those words, think of what you're saying. It's basically saying "Oh wow! God, what are you doing?" Usually used with shock or disbelief. Like I said....scapegoat. Something to blame.
              The biggest upside to religion, I believe: it has the ability to straighten someone out. I think of how many thousands of books that have been written all about how God gave the strength to someone who completely ruined their lives through alcohol, drugs, crime, or anything of the sort to completely turn things around for themselves. I believe that to be true to an extent. I think that religion a lot of the time can scare someone into becoming a better person. It gives some the discipline needed to make something out of themselves.
              Please note, I am not trying to start any arguments or get anyone mad. I realize that religion is quite the touchy subject, which is why I'm not going to get into some of the more negative affects I have seen of religion. Moral of the story being: just because I don't believe in something, doesn't mean I think it's all bad. For some reason, when some people who are Christian (and pretty much everyone in my school is), finds out I'm Agnostic, their guard goes up, and they automatically think I'm some religion hater. Not true, I think there are good points and bad points, I just simply choose not to get involved with it all. Give those who aren't religious a chance, trust me, they're not all awful people.

You Like Me, You Really Like Me!

               She glides across the stage to accept her glamorous award, and she says "You like me! You really like me!" Sally Field will never live that one down. It's been redone in so many different movies and parodies done to make fun of her flabbergasted moment in the spotlight. It's late, and I have a math test tomorrow, so this has to be to the point.
               Honor. This is something that we all of course strive for. There are so many hundreds of thousands of things done in a day that deserve to be honored and recognized in this world, however they're not even mentioned in the least. Then there are some things that are really quite minute and insignificant that are made quite a big deal out of. Today I was to be in an "induction ceremony" into the National French Honor Society. Sound prestigious enough? Well in order to get this "extremely prestigious honor", I had to have a 3.0 GPA (a B- Average), and fill out an application. In this application it was a requirement to show an interest in French culture. Some things that qualified: seeing a French movie or eating at a French restaurant. And for this, we got a huge ceremony. We lit candles and everything.
              Where's the ceremony for the real accomplishments that happen in our world - not even the world, just in our school. Doesn't the girl who volunteered over one hundred hours at the local hospital deserve a certificate? What about the boy who single-handedly organized a food drive and fund raiser for the local food pantry, where's his pin? For some reason, walking across that stage and receiving that certificate today just made me feel incredibly arrogant for celebrating the fact that we're supposedly so great for working hard in a class that will look good on our college resumes, while we could be celebrating something that helped others instead of just ourselves.
               Just something to think about. However, I do like my pin and certificate.

Mama, I'm A Big Girl Now

                "Stop! Don't! No!" "Be back by ten!" "Remember to brush your teeth!" "Go right to sleep!" These are the words of parents, and as annoying as these phrases may be sometimes, they;re the mark of a good parent. I heard that last phrase just a few minutes ago, that it was time for me to turn in for the night and that I shouldn't write my blog for the night, so to appease my parents, I'll make this short...ish.
                It's not a normal day of school without someone complaining about the latest "evils" of their mom or dad. "My mom grounded me for missing my curfew by just a couple of hours!" "My dad yelled at me for adding chemistry to my ever-growing list of classes I'm failing!" And these are almost always followed by: "they are so unfair!" I've been so incredibly immersed in Hairspray lately, I feel compelled to quote it: "Stop telling me what to do-o! Don't treat me like a child of two. I know that you want what's best, but mother please give it a rest! Mama, I'm a big girl now!" I hear about some of the things that my friends' parents let their children get away with, and I'm left awestruck! "Oh my Mom doesn't care if I'm out all night, as long as I text her or leave a note." Then again, there are parents I hear about that I think are just a little too uptight: "No, you can't wear a pink hair extension clip in your hair for the day! I love your pretty blond hair, don't defile it!"
               The perfect medium between too uptight and a little too lenient is an extremely fine line. I'm sure it's a never ending question as a parent. My parents were just questioning if I, a sixteen year old (a pretty low key and responsible one if I do say so myself), am old, mature, or responsible enough to stay a night in my own house alone. And some may see this as ridiculous that they don't trust me enough to stay by myself, I mean, what's going to happen to me in one night? But the other side of the story is: I like that my parents worry so much about me. I like that they text  to check in every once in a while if I'm out with friends or driving alone. The world is scary, and while I'm getting older, and soon enough I'm going to have to get used to my parents not always being there for me every time I stumble....I love that I can always trust my ever-loving parents to be worried sick about me...as infuriating as some may find it.